Oct.
2000, Xene #19
ZERO HIME, ZERO TARO - CHILDLESS
AND LOVING IT!
by Carey Paterson
Kaoru and Naoki Yamaguchi are the perfect couple.
Both hold law degrees from prestigious Waseda University.
He works for a top-tier bank in metro Tokyo. She has
a proud history of volunteerism. The two enjoy a loving,
trusting relationship, and when they hit the ski slopes
they blow away snowboarders half their age. Still,
by traditional Japanese standards their marriage could
be considered a failure: The Yamaguchis have chosen
not to have children.
They are not alone. Although "ichi hime ni taro"
("first child a girl, second a boy") describes
the ideal Japanese family, more Japanese marrieds
are choosing a lifestyle of "zero hime, zero
taro" (no girlchild, no boychild), the latest
in lifestyle changes that include the decline in the
marriage rate and the rise in women who opt to have
children while remaining single.
Although Kaoru does not feel she has to justify what
she considers a private decision, she believes her
choice makes sense. She says she has enough blood
relatives and adds, "I do not like children so
I felt it would be a waste of time to raise my own
children."
The couple's decision has given them a rare degree
of freedom. In addition to snowboarding, they golf
together and have scuba dived among sharks in the
Maldives. "I can do anything I like at any time
without consideration for other family members except
my husband," Kaoru says.
FLOUTING TRADITIONS
Despite Japan's declining birthrate, older Japanese
consider Kaoru's attitude selfish. Centuries-old cultural
influences still encourage couples to have children:
Shinto is an agrarian religion at heart, where fertility
rites are central, and Confucian thinking invests
great importance in the family and its continuance.
One women in Osaka Prefecture who married and remained
childless for a few years was menaced by middle-aged
women in the neighborhood supermarket. They circled
their shopping carts and demanded an explanation.
Kaoru says she is fortunate not to have experienced
pressure from friends. Relatives, however, are a different
story.
"My in-laws were meddlesome, asking me when I
was going to have a baby when we were a newly married
couple. I did not find any support from anyone, but
I did not need any support, because it is a purely
private matter to have children or not. Everybody
insensitively and directly asked me when I was going
to have baby. Recently, I seldom have these kinds
of questions, maybe due to my age." (The Yamaguchis
are in their forties.)
She says she is also lucky that her husband's elder
brother has children, which frees her from responsibility
for continuing the bloodline. Not all women are as
fortunate or determined, and many who yield to the
pressure later regret it.
"Sometimes I feel only hate for my children,"
one reluctant mother confided.
Another couple was more ambivalent about their choice
not to have children. Although Jeff and Emi Seward
both love kids, they are daunted by the prospect of
being parents and are childless by choice. (Their
names in this article have been changed.)
20 YEARS OF SLAVERY
"Once you have a child, you want to love it,"
says Jeff, an English teacher in Sapporo. "It's
20 years of slavery, a full-time job. It just doesn't
fit my indolent lifestyle. With a dog or cat, you
can put food in the bowl for two or three days and
leave," he jokes.
Emi earned a degree in economics from a two-year college
before launching her career in advertising. She says
she is happy without kids.
"My friend who have children say it's nice to
have kids, that I should have a child. When I hear
this I feel, maybe I want a child. But it's much easier
to bear one than to raise one." Besides, Emi
says, she is enjoying life in her thirties more than
ever: "I'm satisfied with my life."
In addition to the normal responsibilities of raising
children, the Sewards think it is harder than ever
to bring up kids in a Japan of high prices and social
dislocation.
"Children are becoming dangerous," Emi says.
"There have been several incidents recently involving
children. People blame the family, but the cause is
not just the family, it's society. The environment
now is different from when we grew up. Children are
exposed to many influences. They can choose from many
recreations. This great choice has led them to confusion.
There is not enough guidance."
Jeff agrees: "You leave them in school where
the bullies would take care of them - or they'd become
the bullies. I don't see the environment as worse
than America, but it seems that, here, people turn
a blind eye when they see people doing wrong. People
blame the parents without confronting them."
Another reason they have remained childless is age.
Jeff is in his mid forties. Emi, who married him a
year ago after her first husband died, is in her late
thirties.
"Women who have children in their forties are
fooling themselves," Jeff says. "They don't
want to feel cheated in life," so they have a
child to prove they can have it all. "But they're
setting themselves up for disappointment."
REEVALUATING PRIORITIES
Social commentators also attribute the "zero
hime, zero taro" phenomenon to the ongoing reevaluation
of priorities. Many men and women in Japan feel cheated
by having devoted their whole lives to their families
or company, the thinking goes. Their children recognize
this and wish to avoid the same mistake.
Jeff believes this is true in the U.S., too: "I
did all the relaxing my parents didn't do," he
says. Only one of his siblings has children, although
he insists they had a happy family life as children.
Many cultures have regarded children as an insurance
policy for one's later years. Jeff thinks this attitude
no longer makes sense in Japan.
"Even now, kids don't take care of their parents.
Usually the parents have more money anyway. I might
worry about getting old, but not because I have no
children." The time when children were seen as
providing security "seems like a different era."
An additional worry for older Japanese is having no-one
to visit their grave at memorial anniversaries and
the Obon holiday.
"It's not a concern for me," Emi says. "Maybe
this is because I'm the middle child. My brother is
taking care of my parents and the bloodline will continue
through my brother's family. My parents' name will
continue. That's one reason I don't get any pressure
to have children."
Nosy neighbors and the elderly are not the only ones
alarmed by the spate of childless couples. The Japanese
government has been struggling to increase the birthrate
to soften the brunt of the aging demographic, and
companies like Naoki's offer a special bonus for childbirth.
Childless marrieds are in a unique position to evaluate
efforts to boost the birthrate.
"I think improving women's working conditions
is the best way to increase the rate," Kaoru
says. "Women don't want to see their working
conditions deteriorate after having baby. If the government
introduces such a policy as a means of pushing up
the rate, I think it will be good for not only the
birthrate but also the welfare of women."
Emi agrees: "There were lots of women with kids
at my first ad agency job. Seeing them, I thought
I could have a child and work. But it depends on the
company and its culture."
No-one knows what the future holds for Japan or for
couples who forego children, but Kaoru says she is
comfortable with her choice.
"So far, I haven't had any trouble living with
my decision. I have no regrets."
