Oct.
1998, Xene #06
WIFE OF THE BRIDE
by Michael O'Connell, with Tomoyuki Inoue
Yukako Kawanaka was a June bride. As at thousands
of other weddings that month in Japan, there were
exchanges of rings and pledges of love. But the ceremony
differed in one way: there were two brides. Kawanaka
was marrying Ellen Belmore in a same-sex union.
While the couple are open about discussing same-sex
marriage, they are among the few willing to speak
publicly in Japan, one of the last industrialized
nations to address the issue.
Kawanaka and Belmore have been romantically involved
since they met three years ago through mutual friends.
Kawanaka, a 27-year-old private tutor living in Sapporo,
says relationships like theirs are particularly misunderstood
here.
"So many people think that gay relationships
are based on the sexual act," she says. "They
don't know that we're making food, cleaning, doing
the laundry. People ask only about sex; how can two
women have sex?"
Students who ask Belmore about her personal life ignore
her answers, says the 29-year-old English teacher
from Sweden. "If they say, do you live with your
husband," she explains, "I say I live with
my wife. Usually they act as if I'd said something
in Chinese, and they talk about soccer."
Not only has homosexual marriage been ignored for
appearances' sake, some Japanese refuse to admit homosexuality
exists here at all, despite its firm place in Japanese
history and arts.
GENJI LIKED GUYS?
Homosexual sex was common among Buddhist monks by
the Heian era (AD794-1188), Nicholos Bornoff writes
in "Pink Samurai," a study of Japanese sexuality.
It was condemned in contemporary Pure Land Buddhist
texts, which described fiery punishments awaiting
homosexuals in purgatory. The protagonist of the Heian
classic "The Tale of Genji" must not have
read them; the Japanese Casanova did not limit his
conquests to women.
When St. Francis visited in 1549, homosexuality was
so pervasive he branded it the "Japanese vice."
And when the government banned women from kabuki (performances
were fronts for prostitution), the male stand-ins
played the woman's part offstage as well. Affairs
between women are far less documented, although lesbian
trysts in the shogun's o-oku (great harem) have featured
in dramatic works.
Even explicit homosexual commitments have a basis
in history. Bornoff writes, "According to a system
not unlike the mentor/pupil relationship of ancient
Greece, the [Buddhist] novice pledged himself officially
to an older monk for a number of years. In exchange
for tuition, he had the status of 'sworn friend' and
became his mentor's property, body and soul."
Homosexuality remains alive and well in modern Japan,
but homosexuals are less obvious here than overseas.
In foreign countries, same-sex unions are condemned
by some and accepted by others, but the issue is out
in the open. Gay men and women in Europe and North
America have even won legal rights for their partners.
UNTYING THE "NOT"
The silence in Japan means that, for the foreseeable
future, same-sex couples here will have to settle
for ceremonial marriages not recognized by law.
In response, some have turned to the Internet to enjoy
both privacy and the support of other homosexuals
and bisexuals. Asia Lesbian Wave homepage features
chat rooms divided by Asian country. The English/Japanese
bilingual site also allows readers to register their
same-sex marriage. Although this "virtual wedding"
is a formal pledge with no legal force, it does offer
encouragement and camaraderie to like-minded Net surfers.
Is a non-legal marriage a marriage? Belmore and Kawanaka
think so. They describe themselves as married and
call each other wife. Belmore notes that in her home
country of Sweden, the government and citizens consider
common-law marriages to be real; they are legally
binding. Japanese civil law grants no recognition
to cohabiting couples, regardless of their sexual
orientation.
Other same-sex couples in Japan have forged a sort
of legal union by exploiting a loophole in the adoption
laws. The older of the couple adopts the younger,
joining them on the same family register and allowing
the same benefits as any adopted child.
Japanese authorities are unusually open to such applications
because an heirless family will often adopt an adult
to continue the family name. Officials of Sapporo's
Chuo Ward say they are not interested in the nature
of the adoptive relationship, as long as the parties
are not already related and all the paperwork is done.
A Chinese woman who has visited Japan thinks that,
while there is less debate in Japan on matters of
sexual orientation, the situation is better than elsewhere
in Asia. "As compared to Hong Kong, I feel Japan
treats the issue in a more subtle way," says
the public relations executive, who spoke anonymously.
"People avoid discussing the issues openly...but
it still seems that Japanese are quite open to gay
issues."
In any case, Belmore believes lesbians and bisexual
women have a harder time than gay men in Japan.
She complains that homosexual groups, which claim
to champion gender equality, actually perpetuate discrimination.
These groups have a hierarchy, with older men at the
top, followed by younger men and then women at the
bottom. Old habits die-hard.
"The key to making same-sex love more acceptable
in society is to have women be more respected,"
she says. "Feminism and gay rights are connected.
You can't have one without the other."
CON'S FROM CONSERVATIVES
Conservative groups in many countries argue that sanctioning
homosexuality and same-sex marriage leads to a breakdown
of traditional values, which in turn causes social
problems.
Many gays and lesbians counter that their position
is a conservative one, that nothing could be more
traditional than a loving, committed partnership.
They believe it is hypocritical to be denied marriage
and then blamed for lack of commitment.
Kawanaka even thinks same-sex marriages are healthier
than traditional Japanese unions.
"Omiai (marriage by formal introduction), is
not based on love," she says. "Kids aren't
stupid. They know their parents aren't in love. Same-sex
marriage is based on love. It can't be based on anything
else. We've been together for three years, but we're
still deeply in love."
With its strong father, submissive mother and generally
repressive atmosphere, "the traditional Japanese
family itself leads to problems," says a Ms.
Kaneko, who asked that only her family name be used.
Kaneko, who is romantically involved with a woman,
believes some unexplained teen suicides can be attributed
to conflicts between sexual identity and a stifling
family situation.
"Originally I thought about same-sex marriage
from the point of view of legal benefits," she
adds. "Now I'm against marriage in general. It's
a system of government control, for managing people.
I think the idea of a ceremony to celebrate commitment
is important. But why should married couples (gay
or straight) get benefits not available to single
people? The government is just geared to reproduction."
Like most deeply committed couples, Belmore and Kawanaka
have talked about having children.
"Sometimes we think, yes," we want children,
says Belmore. "But then we hear the kids downstairs
screaming. One idea was having kids with a gay male
couple. Sometimes a gay male couple has kids with
a gay female couple. That way, the children have four
parents."
Kaneko is worried that increased attention on homosexual
issues will cut both ways.
"There's more media attention," she says,
"but there's the chance for dangers. Magazines
now report of 'suspecting' people of being gay or
'discovering' people to be gay. There is increased
exposure, but it's not necessarily understanding.
The exposure brings the danger of simply magnifying
the misunderstanding."
Belmore says foreigners cannot be the impetus for
change, even if it is easier for them to be out: "It
has to come from Japanese people. They have to get
it going first, and then ask (if they choose) the
help of non-Japanese living in Japan. The first thing
is visibility, but we've been on the same step for
ages. For five years we've been telling people to
be open!"
SAME-SEX MARRIAGE AROUND THE WORLD
Same-sex marriages gained world-wide attention in
1997 with a legal challenge in Hawaii (USA) and new
laws in the Netherlands in 1998.
Two lesbian couples and one gay male couple in Hawaii
sued for legal recognition of their marriage. The
state supreme court ruled that such marriages would
be required under the state's constitution unless
a "compelling state interest" in discrimination
was established in a lower court. To head off recognition
of such marriages, lawmakers passed legislation granting
partners' benefits but not legal marriage.
The Netherlands has pioneered in recognizing the legal
rights of gays and lesbians. As of January, same-sex
couples became able to register as partners, a status
virtually identical to marriage. A homosexual or heterosexual
individual may adopt, but for couples, only heterosexuals
may adopt.
According to Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian
Couples, "same-sex citizens in Denmark, Greenland,
Iceland, Norway and Sweden can sign a 'Registered
Partners' document to claim a status and benefits
similar to marriage. By July 1995, about 3,000 gay
and lesbian couples have registered....Many cities
in France, Spain, the Netherlands and the U.S. offer
registration for same-sex couples. In most cases,
the registration carries little or no legal weight
or benefits."
The group also reported the following:
The provincial government of British Columbia, Canada,
"has proposed allowing gay and lesbian couples
to apply for adoption. Saskatchewan and Quebec already
allow same-sex couples to adopt."
"Two Cambodian women were married on March 12,
1995, according to a Reuters news service report from
the Cambodian Daily newspaper. Originally reported
as a legal marriage, it was, in fact, a ceremony not
recognized by the state...The couple, Khav Sokha and
Pum Eth, received the well-wishes of their families
and hundreds friends."
"Two groups in Brazil...demanded legal marriage
on May 7, 1995, threatening to name 18 gay people
in Congress and 50 in the local Catholic Church if
they are denied."
"Same-sex couples in Hungary are now covered
by the legal protection of common-law marriage, which
carries some of the same rights as legal marriage."
GENDER ODYSSEY ENDS IN LOVE STORY
by Michael O'Connell, with Tomoyuki Inoue
One women's search for her sexual identity ended at
Hokkaido Sexual Minority Association: Sapporo Meeting,
a group founded in 1989 for lesbians, gays, bisexuals
and other sexual minorities. The volunteer group offers
information and telephone counseling, and organizes
workshops, lectures, dance parties, and an annual
march. Ms. Kaneko, who asked that only her family
name be used, says she has found happiness living
with her same-sex partner.
"At university, I was troubled about my sexual
orientation. I heard about a telephone consultation
line for Sapporo Meeting, so I called up. I knew I
was attracted to women, but I didn't know if I was
a lesbian. A straight friend suggested that I call
the group, which she knew about from a magazine.
"The magazine had information about a gay night.
I wanted to take part, but only as an outsider, so
when I called Sapporo Meeting I said I was a normal
person. The person on the line got angry and asked
if I thought the people throwing the party were abnormal.
But they gave me the information. The telephone consultation
was so good that I decided to go.
"It took a lot of courage. I was afraid to expose
myself as a lesbian. You see, at this point I hadn't
identified myself as one. Lesbians are defined in
magazines and adult videos as being a certain type.
I didn't recognize myself as this type, so I didn't
consider myself a lesbian.
"There are two stereotypes of lesbian. One is
a woman who has had every kind of kinky sex so that
the only thing left is to try sex with women. This
idea focuses on the physical. The second type is the
feminist lesbian, who is essentially a man-hater who
has made a conscious decision to be a lesbian. This
wasn't me, since I hadn't chosen my attraction. Well,
in a sense I did choose: I chose to recognize myself
as a lesbian.
"When I told my parents about my orientation,
they didn't want to hear it. I'm still in the process
of coming out. At work, there were some people who
knew and some who didn't. It was good for me. I made
good relationships. I went with my partner to a restaurant
and was gratified when my co-worker friends treated
us as a couple. Actually, my partner is the women
who I talked to on the phone when I called Sapporo
Meeting."
Contacts:
-Hokkaido Sexual Minority Assn., Sapporo Meeting
phone/fax: 011-242-3321
ko-ji@b3.so.net.ne.jp
-Ms. Miyabi Kumagai
phone: 011-513-7665
Arranges regular parties for straight and gay women.
-Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples
Box 9685, Seattle, WA 98109-0685, USA
phone: 206-935-1206
demian@buddybuddy.com
http://www.buddybuddy.com
-Asia Lesbian Wave
http://f47.aaa.livedoor.jp/~asia/
(Japanese)
