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streetlevel
03
Oct. 2000, Xene #18
What's it like being married to
a non-Japanese man?
Married to an American
Just after we married, I asked my husband for
advice in raising a child, working and other
issues. But he told me to decide by myself.
At that time, I thought he was such a coldhearted
person. After I got used to it, I felt comfortable.
He is very strict with children, which I didn't
expect at all before we had a child. America
is a culture where people say yes and no very
clearly, so maybe people clearly say yes and
no to a child also. Many Japanese housewives
often ask me if we teach our children English
at home. I have been asked this question so
many times. It really annoys me now.
Married to a British
My husband and I have similar characters, so
I haven't felt differences between us. The only
thing I can think of is that when we had a first
baby, I was told by a Japanese nursery center
that I should give the baby a bath every day,
which is not the case in England. We had a heavy
discussion about it, and we even called his
mother in England. Many people ask me questions
such as whether a non-Japanese husband helps
with housework. Everyone is different. I wish
people wouldn't look at us with stereotyped
images. Also, people ask me private questions
just because I'm married to a non-Japanese person.
I wish they would treat us as they treat other
Japanese.
Married to an Indian
Before we married, he was more expressive about
his feelings of loving me. After the marriage,
he stopped being that way. Maybe it's shyness.
India is a culture where men dominate women,
so he acts haughty in front of people, just
like a traditional Japanese man in the old days.
But he holds to high morals in the marriage
relationship. He never talks to me about another
woman and never has a sexual relationship outside
of marriage. Also, he puts family as a high
priority. In India, a family-family relationship
is usual, so we meet our friends as a family.
Culturally, Indians love talking. It's great
that he talks about anything with me. Japanese
and Indian home discipline are very similar.
Married to a Frenchman
People generally kiss in public in France. My
husband wants to kiss me in public also. When
I say I don't want to be kissed in public because
this is Japan, he says that I don't love him.
We've married for about 10 years and this problem
is yet unsolved. What surprised me was that
parents don't sleep with children in France.
In France children sleep in their own room from
an early age. Even if the children are crying,
people say not to go to their room. When I visited
his parents in France, his mother strongly told
me not to go to the child's room.
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