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streetlevel
02
Aug. 2000, Xene #17
What's it like to be married to
a Japanese man?
Chinese
I married a man whom I thought was a good human
being, and therefore, I don't look at men as
being either Japanese or Chinese. I have lived
in southern, northern, and central China and
found that there are some differences, but people
are basically the same. There are good people
and bad people everywhere.
My parents educated me to be independent.In
China, men and women share work, including housework.After
I came to Japan, I started to think that having
gender roles isn't that bad. If both are able
to reach a consensus, I think it's okay. In
Japan, it's not easy to have children enrolled
in kindergarten, and to have grandparents take
care of children. Babysitters are also expensive.
It's much easier and cheaper in China. Perhaps
this is the reason that Japanese housewives
cannot leave the house?
Brazilian
My husband is a little different from the ordinary
Japanese man. He cooks and takes care of the
children and talks to me when he comes home,
too. He explains Japanese culture to me and
asks me about Brazil. Also, he lets me do anything
I want. Usually in Japan, the husband brings
his wife's living expenses home every month.
However, in our household each of us contributes
almost equally to our living expenses. We have
never even asked each other our salaries !
Speaking of differences between Japan and Brazil,
the concept of taking care of one's parents
is quite different. In Brazil, a married couple
often lives with the wife's parents instead
of the husband's parents. However, living with
one's parents is very rare because most couples
want their freedom. My husband is the oldest
son, so in the future, he plans on living with
his parents. I am trying not to face this subject
by saying, "I have not thought about this
yet, but I will think about it when the time
comes." I think I don't share the same
values as my husband concerning this subject
(laugh).
Russian
It's fun, but there is not enough money and
time. I would like to be with my husband, but
I can't. I would like to go places with him,
but we can't. I think that Japanese men are
kind. I wonder about Russian men... I like Japanese
people, and I love living with a Japanese person.
Dutch
Word Kokusai Kekkon (international marriage)
exists only for administrative purposes. In
Japan, referring to a couples differences in
nationality is often referred to as "kokusai
kekkon." For internationally married couple,
the nationality is not important. I see my husband
not as a Japanese, but as a person. Because
I live in Japan, I am often called a gaikoku-jin.
However, between my husband and I, we don't
feel that one of us is a gaikoku-jin. After
all, aren't Japanese men different from one
another? Men in any country have different personalities.
If Japanese culture is well understood, the
differences in nationality will not create problems.
I am often asked what's it like to be married
to a Japanese man. It seems to be not a usual
sight for those who ask such question. I think
this type of question is rude. I want to answer,
"It's none of your business. I don't ask
you about your marriage."
Kenyan
Men are all the same. Only culture, language
and behavior are different between my country
and Japan. Adjusting to a different culture
is difficult, but after I began understanding
the cultural differences, it became easier.
I heard that in Japan wives are often put down.
In my country, wives and husbands are equal.
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